It's been a bloody long while since I wrote one of these.
Blog-Block.
Lack of inspiration maybe as my life seems to have grinded to a halt with everyones lives taking off around me.
25. It's not a scary age. It's quite a fun enjoyable age until you start to wonder where your headed. There are so many people around me who are pregnant or getting wed, the majority being my age or younger. Along with this people have their own places (rented or buying).
I want all this. Not right now.
Right now, I just would love to meet someone. Share interests and passions with them.
One day, I guess that will happen. When it all stops getting so confusing.
Seriously, when did it all get so confusing. Meeting someone and dating them. It's all caught up with what to do and not to do. When to call and when not to call. Many years it ago, it used to be the simple case of, you liked someone, you went to a date and then you became bf & gf. (you may have even skipped the date part!!)
On Friday, I went out with some friends. One of them being a guy I met through a friend just over a year ago.
I like this guy. I met him Jan last year. I instantly fancied him, his charming persona, blue eyes and creativeness. The next time I saw him, I was with my then boyfriend.
6 months later we both split and few months later, I saw the object of my lust again. He knew that I wasn't in a relationship any more and he was a bit flirty and very attentive but in a friendly way. Pondering on that evening events and seeking the advice of the mutual friend that we were introduced through, a week or so later I built up the courage to ask him out for a drink (he's a bit shy).
He said he'd love too but he was in a weird place with his ex... blah blah blah...
The drink never happened.
Bummed as I was, he invited me to his house party in Dec which I went to. It was great fun but he didn't really speak to me, which I put down to his networking.
He flew to the states a few days later to see the ex to sort stuff, from which he came back in Jan, I texted him many weeks later to see how he was etc. (in a way testing the water, to see whether it was worth trying to get him to come for a drink). He said it was great and things were sorted.
I thought nothing more of it, thought not to pursue it any more as, well if he liked me he would of done something by now.
So, the crux of it all.
Friday night
We went out for his band mates surprise birthday. Again, he was flirting, kept looking at me and smiling... la di da... (think the booze had a lot to do with it)
And we was on the dance floor and the moment seemed soooo right, I went to kiss him.
He sort of leaned in, as I leaned in and then he said "NO NO! I can't. Sorry. It's so hard, I kinda have a gf!"
Wounded, I said "Oh. No worries"
He just kept saying sorry and he's not quite sure if they are together and he couldn't kiss me. Which is fair enough. (This potential new beau is a new girl on the scene, not the ex in America)
So, we carried on dancing, like nothing happened, I felt like a div. but didn't wanna show it bothered me. He kept hugging me and saying and my timing sucks! (I'm sure in a nice way)
I texted him saying "I'm so sorry . I took a chance. Big heartfelt SORRY"
He pulled me to one side and revealed that he's liked me since we met and there has been many occasions where he's wanted to kiss me but the time has never been right and one day the timing will be perfect.
If things where so much simpler, this never would of happened. I'm not gonna wait around and think WHAT IF! but, I can't stop thinking about him...
The pain of Lust and Rejection.
