f*@£ing alcohol!

OK! It's twenty to three!
I don't know why vodka and southern comfort makes me act like a div.
I've never felt more stupid and lonely as I do now.
everyone is with someone!
wtf!
no far... even my wrk mate fancies someone on voice value!
fucking annoys me!
I'm a nice girl with good intentions... why can't know one see that!

It's not so bad to speak to Strangers at night

If you've ever been to London you will know that you just don't make conversation with strangers. It's not right it's weird and the only way you will speak to someone is when you scream at them to take their backpack off, move down the carriage and stop pushing because you’re invading my personal space!

However, at night, it all changes! People embraces gazes, no staring at shoes or out the window, random mindless conversation begins all because you've had a few vinos or beers that evening! You become fearless!

Last Night, this happened to me. I got in a cab from North London to Victoria to catch the 5am train home. These trains are so god damn reliable as every hour after 1am, BAM I can get home with ease. So imagine my horror last night, when I was told... "No Trains from here tonight!" I couldn't believe my really bad luck. I stood about for a bit contemplating the options of either
(a) getting a night bus to the designated railway station of their choice and then try and figure out how to get back to base from there or
(b) Pay stupid amounts of money in a cab to go from door to door.

So I swayed toward the door to door option and as I did so, I saw these two young girls with drunken walks and carrying their shoes. Tragic sight even in my not so sober state. The two girls started to shout (obviously you must go deaf when drunk!);
"OH MY GOD. How can we get home!?"
"I dunno hun, get a train"
"There are no trains"
"Course there's trains"
"No... Look!" (cue a rather exaggerated fling of the arm ending up with point at the departures board!)

I decided to interrupt this messy situation and ask where they were headed to & it turned out we all lived in the same area. We decided to embrace the idea of 3 drunk strangers getting a cab home. As we did so, There was another outcry of disbelieve about the lack of trains to get home. Behind us were two lads, who clearly had the same crisis as us. So guess what... 3 drunk strangers became 5.

Now obviously, normally, why in your right mind would you get in to a cab with 4 randoms that you have never met in your entire life?
You wouldn't!
But as the theory proves, a few vinos, beers, shots and what not... you become more trusting than you do when sober.
The stranger you wouldn't dare have eye contact with during the day, at night becomes a friend for half an hour and your 5 o'clock hero.

Needless to say, I got home safely. Apparently these randoms are all adding me on facebook and one of them gave me a random "compliment". I'm an unobvious hotty.
The definition of this... at first, not so keen but after a while... I’m Hot.
Not a great compliment, however... i'll take it and run!

I'm look forward to more of these drunken embraces :)

Back..with avengence?

Well it's been over a YEAR, nearly two since I set up this and I've not been able to get into because I forgot my password, user name etc but today! WHOOP! I found it.

So in the last year, nearly 2, I did meet guys with my new found confidence, but there was one guy who won me over and we were together for just shy of 6 months and as much as it still pains me now to know that we are not together any more and he is already making some other girl happy, he was amazing and I miss him dearly.


Music is helping me heal and I seem to be finding songs to suit how I feel. Trying to find a song to define the way I feel is tough.

Do Me A Favour by the Arctic Monkeys has a heart wrenching verse that I found myself associating with for sometime. It's exactly how I felt when it was over...
She walked away, well her shoes were untied, And the eyes were all red, You could see that we've cried, and I watched and I waited, 'Till she was inside, forcing a smile and waving goodbye.

Now I've discovered these lyrics, with the cold setting in and me kind of getting used to being single again, this song seems to feel at home with me. The track itself is heavier than you expect when you read the lyrics, some of them seem to fit how I feel

Crush by Jimmy Eat World
Faintest snow keep falling.
Hands around your waist.
Nameless, standing cold.
Take in restraint like a breath.
My lungs are so numb from holding back.
Walk close to the fence.
Feel it hit your clothes.
Turn and smile nice.
Smile say goodnight.
Say goodnight in a breath.
Simple discourse breaks you clean in half.
Regret.
Do try it once and then you know.
Your move.
Settle for nothing less again.

I'm still not myself and finding my feelings in songs seems to be the only way to get back on track...

The most recent emotion I am experiencing is Fear. One of my greatest fears is loneliness and right at this very moment I am so scared to be single.

I had my emotions pulled apart SO MUCH the last time I was single by guys who weren't really sure what they wanted and seem to use me to figure it out. I don't want this to happen again but i don't know if I'm strong enough to prevent it! Especially when I am shamefully craving attention.

I guess I should maybe learn from what happened last time and play the men at their own game.

Any advice Bloggers?